I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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