new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
