someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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