I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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