I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
