um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I feel like death gave me a hand job
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
