How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
