I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
