So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
