Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(248): View more from Michigan

***** fucked a guy with one hand last night

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(309): View more from Illinois

My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?

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(209): View more from California

His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.

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(619): View more from California

there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly

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(802): View more from Vermont

She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.

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(231): View more from Michigan

I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.

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(479): View more from Arkansas

As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.

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(616): View more from Michigan

Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car

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(623): View more from Arizona

I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.

(1-623): View more from Arizona

yeah so we made out to make it less awkward

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