Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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