Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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