Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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