for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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