I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
