I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
