i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
