He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
