He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
