nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
