i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
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