but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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