you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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