You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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