I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
