the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
