Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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