i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Randomize
