How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
