She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
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