I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
