He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
