watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
