Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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