So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize