I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Randomize
