new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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