so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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