Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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