the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Randomize
