Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
we're making bets on your personal life
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Naked. naked and bneed help.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
