Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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