where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
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