like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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