Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
