Im at strip club and am horny
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
