Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
