I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
well I can't set my house on fire every night
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
