I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Randomize
