oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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